the axe is falling

all i want to think about right now is music. i have been listening so much more intently. i am remembering how to use my ears, my imagination, my musical muscles. i know that i have set wheels in motion, and now the fear of "consequences" has started to kick in. i recognize the fear, it's like a small elephant in my peripheral...just innocently whistling thru its long snout...

my focus has turned to sunday night jazz gig...my players are better and provide me with motivation to a better job. it is keeping me interested...something i really need right now. it's like i have begun my new life as a musician even though i am still working this office job til the end of the year. i am nervous about letting this job go - it provides a very stable cashflow, insurance, etc. but it robs me of my precious time (which doesn't exist right?)...

i have always just wanted to have music be my main focus. and come january it can be. insecurities bubble up, but i know in my heart this is the right thing to do. it just feels so good...

diligence, persistence, patience, discipline, enjoyment, laughter, self-care....